My INSANE Journey

Let me be frank. I love food. I love food that's bad for me. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm happy. I like to eat. I hate the whole idea of dieting. I've done it before with great results. I've done and fallen off the wagon just as soon as I started. I know it's all about a lifestyle change. That doesn't seem to make any difference when I see a donut. Or chips. Or a 44oz. Dr. Pepper. It also doesn't help that even my students know this about me and, from time to time, when I am stressed a beautiful Styrofoam cup from Pak-a-Sak appears on my desk. I'll be honest; my will power sucks. There has been one time in my adult life when a "lifestyle" change stuck...and then I got pregnant. After Carter, the weight came off easily, and I wasn't worried about it. To be honest, even six months ago I wasn't worried about. And I'm still really not worried about it. 

But I saw my cousin, Danielle, post a picture to Facebook a few months ago. She had taken the INSANITY challenge and looked amazing. And suddenly I thought, "I could do that." I'd heard it was hard from people who I consider to be physically fit and knowledgeable about exercise. But that made me want to take it on all the more. I saw it as a bit of a dare to myself. A test. Then I opened my big mouth and mentioned it to my students. Big mistake. They were so encouraging, and suddenly I felt I had someone to be accountable, too. (Not a single student has asked me about it since school started, but in my head it was real accountability.) 

So for Mother's Day, I asked for the INSANITY videos. They came in the mail. I opened the package. And there the videos sat, and sat, and sat. I kept looking at them. Telling myself I'd start them the next weekend, then the next, and the next. Well, you get the picture. The box the DVDs come says this, "We don't just call it INSANITY because these workouts are intense. We call it INSANITY because in 60 days, you're going to get results that are simply crazy. But don't open this box thinking you can pretend your way through this. We need you to be prepared to DIG DEEPER than ever before. Get ready for a transformation unlike anything you've ever experienced."

Needless to say, I was intimidated. This was a commitment. Was I ready to take it seriously? Because I knew I had to finish, I couldn't let myself down. Wouldn't it be easier to never start? But I didn't want to be that person. 

So finally on June 10th, I started. I am not exaggerating when I say to you that I almost died during that first workout. Okay, maybe a little exaggeration but not much.  I couldn't breathe. My heart was beating way too fast. I felt like I was going to pass out. It took me close to an hour to finish a 25 minute fit test. I kept having to pause the DVD just to catch my breath. I wanted to quit right then and there. I've never been tiny but I have always played sports and prided myself on being athletic..sort of. But I'll be honest. I was embarrassed that a 25 minute workout would be the end of me. But I'd said I was going to do it, and my word still means something to me, so I plunged ahead. 

Day two of the workout was just as bad. I texted my cousin, who was an excellent encouragement, to make sure that it should, in fact, be this difficult. It should. But I survived day two and that meant I could survive day three. Finally, a light! I could do this. I worked out during Carter's nap time, and it was perfect. He'd go down, I could do a 30-45 minute workout, shower, nap, watch some Netflix (I seriously got into Jericho this summer. It's a great show. Sad it was cancelled.), whatever I needed to do.  I tried to do the diet thing that came with the workouts, but that's where I failed. With the food. We did start to eat better. Most of the time. But I did not count calories or points this time around. I know my results might have been more drastic had I been more diligent, but I honestly didn't care. I still felt better, and at least I was doing SOMETHING and that was enough. We bought more fruit, had healthier options around, more whole grain, but if I wanted chocolate or candy or a Dr.Pepper, I had one. Not sure if that's weakness or not, but I can tell you that I was a whole lot happier and whole lot less grumpy, which Shelby appreciated.

In fact about 2 weeks in, Shelby started working out, too. He didn't do the whole picture/measurement thing, but he did do the insane workouts. It was nice to be in the same boat and to have some one to commiserate with. The first 30 days were a piece of cake. Then we went out of town. I wasn't able to workout during Carter's nap time while on vacation because we were sharing the room. Shaun T's voice doesn't really lend itself to quiet rest time. Things were better toward the end of July. I was back on track. I finally felt like I could see changes. My pants fit better and I didn't have to go up a size when I bought new school clothes. Then school started, and I did NOT have the motivation to workout. So, the weeks dragged by and what was supposed to a 60 day work out program turned into the 84 day workout plan. And I'm okay with that. Ultimately I'm not really sure what my total losses are. I know up until a few weeks ago I'd lost 7 lbs. and 7 inches. I may measure again in the next few days; I may not. It isn't even about the numbers any more. I feel better. My self-esteem is better. I did it. And that can't be taken from me even if the scale never moves. 

Our plan is to keep working out, 3 days a week, using the INSANITY videos. I feel pretty confident in saying that we'll keep it up. I think we've learned the value in using exercise as a stress reliever. I hope we do any way. I would recommend INSANITY to anyone interested in a challenge. Clearly, if I can do it, you can do it.  I wanted to do a before and after picture more for myself. But I know people are interested so here it is. I don't feel super confident so I'm not going to straight up post it on Facebook. I am pleased to know that all my hard work at least shows, to some extent. Thanks for hanging in there and reading this. I appreciate it. 

Notice the tall hair. I thought maybe if my hair was taller my face would look thinner....

Also, the before smile is totally fake. Just trying not to be embarrassed, showing off my post baby belly. The after smile is real. Complete relief to be DONE!

In the summer time...

Summer time. I always have mixed feelings when this time of the year approaches. I look back over a successful year of directing and teaching and feel accomplished. There is no doubt though that I’m ready for the school year to wrap up and enjoy the time off but it also leaves me feeling melancholy. Saying goodbye to seniors and other students not returning, knowing that I will not have some students in class again, figuring out how to be a stay-at-home mom, instead of a working mom can be tough. Here are a few pictures from our first week of summer.

Not feeling good so he spent the morning watching cartoons and carrying his blanket around.

We went up to my room at school for a few minutes. I brought lots of toys to entertain him but he occupied himself with our class flag instead.

Playing with Charlie on the bed while I was getting ready.

Trying out the new slide!

So now the first week of summer has past, adjustments have been made and now the fun can really start. Carter is almost 17 months old and is so much fun to be around. He is making connections between things and is curious about everything. He has started feeding himself with utensils and is adamant about doing it himself. He is very patient when he’s feeding himself and he doesn’t seem to get overly frustrated when it takes him a long time or is difficult. He LOVES to be outside. We spend a lot of time playing with the water table or his Cozy Coupe or the pool. Yesterday, I bought him a slide just to add a little variety. Plus, it’s something he can play on that builds some independence. His vocabulary seems to be growing but it does require some deciphering. Here’s a list of his words/phrases and their translations (we think):

Oh ma= Oh, man!

Mo= Food and/or drink

Mall= ball

Dog=dog

Ninnie= Winnie and/or Charlie

Mom/Mommy/Mama= Me

Dada/ Da= Shelby

Me= Carter

Nee= Tree/Outside

Ernie= Ernie (as in Bert and Ernie)

Yeah= yes

No= No

He points A LOT to everything and to himself when he wants something. He claps any time we say “Good Job!” or when an audience applauds on TV. He likes to play peekaboo and patty cake. He likes to dance to music and he likes to make us laugh. He’s been teething, which is no fun for anyone. Yesterday, we took our first trip to the urgent care center because he was running a high fever. But thanks to medicine, our sweet, funny boy was back in no time. He is a serious player. I don’t mean with the ladies, I mean he plays seriously. There are times we hear him get quiet and find him amidst a pile of books, flipping through the pages. When he gets a new toy he studies it closely and intently trying to figure it out. Shelby and I have commented more than once how he really does seem to have qualities of both of us. When he has a new audience of people he likes to be at the center of it, he likes to entertain for sure. But he also observes new situations carefully and can entertain himself for long periods of time. This quiet time is great for me. It leaves me time to prepare for next year! Time to write new lesson plans and tweak others and hopefully have more time to update a blog!! 

My Kid and The Leibster Award

So clearly I fell down on blogging. I meant to, really I did. But you know how it is, one things leads away from another and before you know it you haven't updated your blog in ages. I guess it's a good thing I'm not a professional blogger. So here's what's been going on for me-school and Carter. Really everything pretty much falls into those two categories. Carter is walking, talking, playing, and just being plain awesome. He loves his blankie and basketball right now. We'll see what he likes most tomorrow. Everyday is different and so much fun. To be honest the only reason I'm blogging now is that a friend gave me a little push. More on that in a minute. In the mean time, let me put up a few Carter pics for those of you who enjoy that kind of thing. Probably you've seen many of them on facebook already. In no particular order...

In other news...

I’ve been nominated for a Leibster Award. It’s cool but it’s not what you’d think. The real "gist" of the Liebster Award is that there is no real award. There are no judges, no special rules. No website with an official team to congratulate you or give you a hand. It's mostly what you want it to be. If you receive the award, you can 1) accept it and 2) pass it along. It's that easy. My understanding is that it was originally created to get bloggers blogging if they have lost their steam. My friend, Charee Godwin-Smith, nominated me and I’m grateful for the jump start in blogging again. So here are the requirements:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link your post to their blog.
2. List 11 facts about yourself then answer the 11 questions given to you.
3. Create 11 more questions for your nominees, all of whom have 200 or less followers.
4. Comment on their blogs to inform them of their Liebster Award nomination

11 Facts about Me

1. I dream almost every night and they are VIVID. My dreams almost always deal directly with whatever I am currently engaged in. If I’m in the middle of directing a play, I’ll dream about the cast or not being prepared. Last week, I dreamed that the zombie apocalypse had started, so I had to scavenge for food in other people’s houses. Along the way I also grabbed a few books from their shelves for entertainment during the long invasion of the zombies. My reading selections you may ask…Batman comic books and The Bernstein Bears.  Clearly, all that can be chalked up to watching too many episodes of The Walking Dead and reading books with Carter. Still, such a weird combo.

2. My biggest pet peeve is when you go to the movie theater and there are plenty of seats available and someone sits down directly in front of me. For many of you this may not cause a problem, but for me, it affects my movie viewing in several ways. Number one, my feet don’t touch the ground in theater seats, so I have to put my feet on the chair in front of me so my back doesn’t start hurting from dangling feet or so my feet don’t fall asleep from sitting on them. And number two, sometimes I can’t see over people’s heads. Yes, I really am that short. Seriously, if you see my feet already up on the seat and there are plenty of seats still available in the theater, DON’T SIT IN FRONT ME. Sheesh.

3. I love BBC shows. I haven’t found one yet that I don’t like. I am particularly addicted to old episodes Poirot right now.

4. I could eat Asian food for every meal- Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Indian. You name, I’ll eat it.

5. I love my job. But besides teaching there are two things that I would consider to be my dream job. The first would be working for the Jim Henson Company. I would love to work on Sesame Street or anything to do with the Muppets, in ANY capacity. The second would be special effects makeup. I seriously geek out over a well done monster or fantasy makeup. I would love to go back to school to learn more about FX makeup. But those schools are all very expensive and very far away. Sigh.

6. I love reality television. I don’t watch nearly as much as I used to but thanks to DVR and On Demand, I still try and catch as many episodes as possible. Shows I’m watching now include, Project Runway, Face/Off, The Voice, Comic Book Men, and Something Borrowed, Something New. My favorites are probably The Deadliest Catch and Big Brother. My favorite part of summer is watching Big Brother. Really.

7. I cry at everything. A commercial, TV shows, YouTube videos, it doesn’t matter. I’m a crier.

8. I get excited every year around April 14&15 because it means that articles and documentaries with appear with the latest theories and discoveries about the sinking of the Titanic. It’s morbid and weird, I know. But after all these years, I’m still obsessed and can’t get enough information about it.

9. I introduced my husband to many of the things he loves most and sometimes he doesn’t give me credit. Arrested Development, ER, The Beatles, West Wing, any of these ring a bell, dear?!

10. I can’t wait to share all the movies I loved as a child with Carter. I keep buying movies even though he isn’t yet old enough to sit through a whole one and understand it. But the day we watch An American Tail together will be a truly happy day.

11. Sometimes I narrate events in my head like I’m in a movie. Is that weird?!

Questions given to me to answer from Charee

1. What motto do you live by?
2. Give me a favorite quote!
3. Favorite book (like one of your top 10)...
4. When was the last time you were inspired? Tell me about it.
5. Name your style.
6. What music are you listening to these days? Why do you like those artists?
7. If you could win a real award, why would you win it? (Screen writing? Acting? Singing? ??)
8. Tell me something about yourself that would surprise me.
9. If you could retire today and know that you could live comfortably, what would you do with your time?
10. Biggest pet peeve?
11. What is one major change you'd like to make in the next 2 years?

1. Be ye kind one to another is a something I try to live by. But I also like Wil Wheaton’s way of saying it, “Don’t be a dick.” (Sorry, Mom.)

2. Hard for me to choose just one but I think today I’ll go with e.e. cummings (also my favorite poet): "Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star...”

3. I should say Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell. I initially read it because it is my grandmother’s favorite book but I fell hard for Rhett Butler. It’s a different read now as an adult than it was as a teenager though. BUT if I’m super honest I’d have to say that Jemima J by Jane Green is probably really my favorite. I re-read at least once a year when I’m feeling really bad about myself but since it’s a guilty pleasure book I don’t always admit to it.

4. I get inspired daily by my students but recently it was so cool to see them involved in an intelligent debate over a communication topic. I love those moments when I can SEE the spark of knowledge ignite and for a brief time they share my passion for the subject. I wonder often what they will take with them from their time with me. I’d like to know someday.

5.Vintage/Ecclectic/Classic- I like what I like, but I also try to stay up on what is trending and incorporate it into my style. I feel especially successful when one of my high school students compliments my outfit. Then I know I’m doing something right. Someday I hope to wear the clothes I see in magazines and on pinterest. But right now they don’t make a lot of those cute things in my size. Someday though.

6. The Beatles in my car CD player, the 60’s station on my Sirius Radio, The Head and the Heart in my classroom, and Mumford and Sons on my mp3 player. Again, I like what I like. I love what moves me. I don’t think I’m a snob like SOME PEOPLE I know (Shelby). In fact last night I surveyed the CD’s I had in my car and realized that I had hip-hop/pop album, a country album, a folk album, and several indie rock albums, with a little straight up pop thrown in. But The Bealtes just make me happy, music from the 60’s reminds me of my Dad and of a time I wish I’d been around for, The Head and the Heart are mellow and soulful which help in the chaos of a school day, and Mumford is just for me.

7. I’d want to win a Tony for Lead Actress in a Musical. I so wish I had THAT voice.

8. On a clear night when the stars are visible, I always look for Orion’s constellation. When I’d get home late from work in the costume shop in college, I could always see him as I walked up the stairs to my apartment. I always felt safe when I could see him. I started calling him my friend and would say goodnight to him. I still look for him and say hello, friend. And if I ever have a male dog that is black his name will be Orion.

9. I’d stay home with Carter and travel as much as possible. Although, I do feel pretty spoiled getting to have summers off with him & Shelby. I think I’d also try and go to makeup school.

10. I already told you about my movie theater pet peeve, but another big one is when my students read over my shoulder as I’m writing on the white board. It drives me nuts! Just wait until I’m finished and you don’t need to read it aloud!

11. Lose a serious amount of weight (I have a plan). I got into good shape before I got pregnant with Carter. I’d like to get back there and go even further. I know I just don’t have a very healthy lifestyle and I’d like to change that. Nothing crazy, just healthy.

Now for my nominees- Jeremy Hatley and Shelby Wilson
I know neither of you have a lot of time but I was thankful for the encouragement to write again. So when you get a chance, here are the questions I have for you.

1.What is your favorite book series? Why?
2. If you could be anywhere else right now, what place would you choose?
3. What was your favorite book when you were in elementary school?
4. Who is your hero?
5. If you could have a super power, which power would you choose?
6. What single music album has had the most profound effect on your life?
7. What movie had the most emotional resonance with you after viewing?
8. What's one thing on your bucket list?
9. Favorite sitcom of all time?
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? What really erks you?
11. What do you like most about yourself?